I listened to the wrong people growing up (like my mom). How was I supposed to know that wearing that Phil Collins T-Shirt every day would make chicks sneer at me like I was a bag of moldy cupcakes? I was very lucky to get any girls at all. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.
I learned the hard way that the following are Facebook posts that scare women.
Blunder #1: Pictures of your cat posted every hour, on the hour, or even more often
Blunder #2: Posting Like A Neurotic, Insecure Loser
Blunder #3: Pictures Of You As Any Member Of The Village People
(And no, “it was Halloween” is not good enough.)
Blunder #4: Pictures of your Vintage Trans Am
(Especially if it’s in a yard and there’s a miniature windmill behind it.)
Blunder #5: Absolutely No Tact Or Class
(No, we don’t know what you mean, because that doesn’t make any sense.)
Blunder #6: Pictures of You With David Hasslehoff
(Photo missing because drunk Hasslehoff ate it)
Blunder #7: Pictures of you being sensitive including shoe shopping, reading oprah magazine or anything in bed bath and beyond
(Photo removed because it made me vomit)
Blunder #8: Oprah Quotes
(You can still read Oprah quotes – just don’t tell the chicks)
Blunder #9: Picture of you reading this article
(You should just feel embarrassed.)
Blunder #10: You with your ventriloquism dummy, feeling content
Blunder #11: You, With Your Clarinet, Smiling
(Any guy photographed with a clarinet who doesn’t look angry or depressed clearly did not receive enough testosterone in the biological lottery.)
Blunder #12: Your profile photo is you and your wife and you’re flirting with someone who is not your wife
(You’re just stupid.)
Boys, let me know what you think of my list in the comments section. And ladies, if any of you want to tell us what kinds of posts will scare men off, please chime in.
Hey, I’m Mack McMasterson and I approve of this article. If you think it’s sexy, connect with me on Facebook. If you’re not sure it’s sexy, I also listen to Miles Davis and look at sunsets a lot.