Dear Santa, Please Bring Me Better Facebook Features

Dear Santa,

My name is Heather. You don’t know me. I’m Jewish, so growing up I once spent the entire year trying to guilt my parents into buying me a $100 American Girl Doll, instead of just penning you a simple request. I was eventually successful, but I remember feeling that corresponding with you would have been much easier. I hold onto that childhood memory as I write to you today.

Santa, I can call you that, right? Santa, you know how much I love Facebook (I assume you know the wants and desires of all the 20-something children on Earth), but I strongly feel like it could be better. For Christmas this year, if you could just bring me a better experience as a user, community manager, and advertiser, I would forever be grateful. I have taken the liberty of making you a list of Facebook features I would like to see on my laptop when I awake Dec. 25 (I’m sorry, I don’t have a tree. Just look for a 13-inch MacBook.)

I want:

  • A Facebook ads interface that isn’t constantly changing.
  • A power editor that works in Firefox and not just Chrome.
  • An easier way to get into contact with Facebook support for non-paid account issues.
  • A more intuitive paid reporting interface.
  • The option to jump off a comment thread. I am currently afraid to wish congratulations on baby announcements for fear of subsequent deluge of messages from strangers.
  • A news feed that would stop switching back to top stories even though I always change it to most recent. Santa, no one wants old news, no matter how good it is.
  • An effective FarmVille (or any game really) invitation prevention app.
  • A way to tell retargeted ads, “I already bought those damn shoes, so stop trying to get me to that point of purchase.”
  • A revival of that short-lived feature that allowed users to print and order photos directly from Facebook through Snapfish.
  • The ability to like your own brand page as yourself, and not the page, while remaining an admin.
  • More control over my news feed content and viewing experience.
  • For Facebook and Google to have a better relationship. It would be awful nice if Facebook items were integrated into Google’s search result position tool.
  • More granular filters that allow me to hide any posts that include politics, that girl who has it all, religion, engagements, ex-boyfriends, or Kickstarter pleas.

Santa, I know we don’t have a relationship like you have with most other boys and girls. I get it, but maybe we could work something out this year. I’m sure you have a few elves who dabble in Web development during the off-season. I don’t expect all of these wishes to be granted, but I do appreciate your efforts. Also, if you want to leave an iPad or new MacBook Pro for me to view these new features in a higher resolution, I wouldn’t be upset.

Sincerely,

Heather Sundell

P.S. Did I do this Santa letter right? And did my friend Sarah Gottleib do this letter right, too?

P.P.S. I forgot to mention that I was, like, way good this year. I not only adopted timeline with ease, but I was a vocal advocate to the naysayers. That’s gotta count for something.

Heather Sundell is the marketing manager for The Search Agency.

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.

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