Voice Messaging on Facebook? Just Don’t

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For every person who has ever posted that really unfortunate picture of drawing genitalia on the sleeping drunk guy at the college kegger or posted some really awful poetry to their inamorata after a bad break-up thinking they were going to win them back … now there’s a brand new way to humiliate yourself: Voice Messaging on Facebook.

Voice messaging is available on Facebook Messenger, of course. That much maligned, misunderstood app. And now you have a REAL reason to hate it.

What is this crazy new thing the Facebook genii (that’s the plural of genius for those non-genii out there) have come up with? Now you can activate the microphone on your iPhone, Android or IOS phone and record a 60 second message that will be sent to your target, er friend’s, message feed.

So just to recap this groundbreaking tech…you use your phone to leave a message using your voice. This is some next-level stuff. I can’t believe no one’s thought of that before.

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Oh, yeah, the answering machine. Well, sure, it’s been around since 1935 but the Facebook Messenger Voice Messaging feature is way cooler. The way you use it is pretty simple. Open up Messenger on your phone and instead of tapping in the text window you tap on the little microphone icon, then hold down the red button. Because nothing bad ever happens when you hold down a red button.

After that you just rattle off anything your heart desires. Your most intimate secrets, deepest fears or craziest drunken conspiracy theory. Because if you mess up, you can just delete and start over again, right?

WRONG!

As soon as you take your finger off that red button it is gone into cyberspace. Which means (for the non-genii out there) that much like that suspicious cold sore it’s going to be around FOREVER.

At least if you drunk-dial your ex and sing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” like some sort of demented Lloyd Dobbler eventually she will run out of space and have to delete the message or maybe get a new phone.

So, do yourself, your family, your ex-lover and even your pet marmot a favor and the next time you think about sending that clever limerick you just thought up after a half dozen Jager shots … just don’t!

Top image courtesy of Shutterstock.

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